real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
