I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
