Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
