Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
