We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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