where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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