so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
