Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
