i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
