Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
