Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
