Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
