So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
