look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
