Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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