Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
