how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
