MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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