And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
