True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
