It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
