I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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