i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We need a shit load of segways right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
