Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
