I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Please don't give away my fajitas
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
