I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
