she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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