I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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