I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
