Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
