You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
