I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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