Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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