No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
