I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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