If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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