i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
