In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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