I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't think brook has ever known best
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
