I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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