because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
