this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
