Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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