Little spoons don't ask big questions
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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