And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
