Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
