he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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