hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
