Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we're so committed to being not committed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
