turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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